If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
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