yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
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We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
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Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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