after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
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You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
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He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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