i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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