Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize