I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Btw I puked in your glovebox
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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