She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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