I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
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They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
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Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
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