I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize