Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
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Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
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I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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