My friends, they love my intelligence
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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