I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
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the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
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