Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
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