We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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