I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
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Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
You pole danced in your parka.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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