I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
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Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
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We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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