Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize