I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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