It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
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