He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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