I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I just want to make out with him forever
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize