glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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