I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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