So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
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Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
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His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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