I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize