well I can't set my house on fire every night
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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