Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize