did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
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Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
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just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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