So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
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could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
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I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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