you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Never joke about your clitoris.
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