doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
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The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
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You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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