he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
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Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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