I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
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just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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