the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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