it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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