I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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