I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize