He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
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