I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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