Where did you get a picture of my penis
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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