I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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