Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
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