I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had to coat check the pizza.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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