he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Randomize