Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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