Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
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what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
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And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
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