Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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