Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
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