once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
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She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
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You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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