I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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